MeRRy ChRisTMaS!!!

A Merry Christmas to all of you.
Just to remind all of you I am very much alive and here.I was just out of blogger for more than a month. Work is very hectic and weekends also we have office. I just didn’t have the time to write down anything or visit any fellow blogger friends post. For a change I was enjoying this hectic schedule.It kept me busy and occupied:-)Just managed to catch a few posts. Will read the others soon.Hope everyone is fine,enjoying and having a good time.
Hope I am back soon to read and write posts:-) till then have fun and Merry Christmas!!!

You forgive me for liking you too much,

And I'll forgive you for not liking me enough.

You forgive me for missing you so,

And I'll forgive you for being so cold.

You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,

And I'll forgive you for not hearing it.

You forgive me for playing your games,

And I'll forgive you for toying with my emotions.

You forgive me for finding you so attractive,

And I'll forgive you for not noticing.

You forgive me for raising you up so high,

And I'll forgive you for bringing me down so low.

You forgive me for wanting to be with you,

And I'll forgive you for avoiding me.

You forgive me for being so pathetic,

And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it.

You forgive me for not being able to let go,

And I'll forgive you for never having latched on.

You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,

And I'll forgive you for crushing them.

Forgiveness brings inner peace.

Do we have a deal?

P.S- I have not written this. It was in my mailbox so thought of posting it.Just added a few lines to the original. Reading it brought me back some memories some phases of my life:-)

To all my blogger Friends. Thanks a lot for all your wonderful comments and concerns.

It did make me feel special.I am fine.Just wanted to post it so doing it.

Love is Always New!!! This is for you:-)

I have written this for one of my blogger friend Amit
One day when I just hit on this blog by chance, from then I have loved each and every post I have read till now. That very day I was really down and depressed for so many things. After I read his posts it not made me feel better but also the fact that we should not be taking life so seriously as we do at times. With a punch of humour and sarcasm, with fictions and stories, with hookups and breakups, and lots of love, this Hopeless Romantic has made his blog alive. I do hope that he comes back and starts writing again.
Amit, there are lot of posts that are still unread but I am sure they would be equally good as the posts I have read.
When you say in one of your posts, Love Happens Only Once Rest Is Just Life, a blog like yours is also only one. Hope you do come back. Take care and keep writing. This is for you. I hope you liked it. I loved reading you and would be back for more on your blog.

One fine day,
Not knowing what to do,
Sitting with my memories,
I was feeling all but blue.
Wanted to smile,
Wanted to be happy,
Read or do something ,
Which could lift up my spirits.

Searched searched and searched,
But anything interesting was out of sight,
Reflecting deep into my thoughts,
Was looking for something which would make me light.

By chance I stumbled upon,
A blog which talked about love,
I started reading it,
Not knowing of how time passed,
And anything else above.

On the screen in front of me,
Appeared posts which were mystical,
Deep into words and emotions,
It was nothing but magical.
Had a look at the blog posts,
Spent hours reading it.
Could feel distant memories,
And time itself stood still,

As I read more closely,
Brilliant posts on human emotions,
Taking me down and then to a high,
Making me smile and relive my moments,
And sometimes leaving with just a sigh.

Lived the fiction of 5500 fiction tales,
And simply loved the Emails for females,
Could sense an awe that the past left,
While reading the Daily Delhi dreams.

Be it the Bitchy Brisbane, or NCR narrations,
Slutty Sidney or Sex and the City,
Nevertheless reading all through them,
My heart surely skipped a beat

All the posts were refreshing,
All of them different,
And I felt that I couldn’t have enough,
The more and more I read them.

We want you to be back,
And start writing again,
Write posts which are vibrant,
Coz they are loved and are ecstatic,
For you are the one and only, who can write them
The Hopeless Romantic.

Posts which are interesting and refreshing
Vibrant and different
Blogs with all these are very few
And the winning entry among them is
Love is Always New!!!!

A Happy Anniversary!!! But Not Anymore

8 years ago on this day of 10th October from no one he became someone in her life. This day was always special and they always wanted to celebrate it together. He promised her that whatever may come, whatever situations they have in life he will come to meet her on this day be with her, celebrate their togetherness even though they are not together the same way…But then promises are meant to be broken isn’t it. So today she is once again without him without talking to him and without letting him know how special this day is to her.Never she had thought that some day in life this moment would come where they wont be talking on this day. She knew he wont come but still somewhere in her heart she was hoping that he might come out of no where.Hope he gets lot of happiness and many more beautiful days in his life to come. This is all she can wish for him.

Years ago when we met,

We started knowing each other and looked ahead

A stranger you were once.

Then, with a gentle look you took my hand.

As our lives engaged,

You lit my life and I held both your hands.

The day was bright the day was serene,

The day was also the October tenth.

This day when we came as together,

And I thought it was all forever.

Your eyes filled with love,

Your smile so soft and tender.

You told me... I love you,

On the 10th of October.

There was a special kind of happiness,

That only love can bring,

And I thought I found that happiness with you...
You were my everything .

Holding me in your arms,

Never letting go,

Trusting every word I hear,

Just because you told me so

Today this day comes and goes,

You are not there is what I know,

You said you needed me more than I needed you,

Why did you say that, if you knew it wasn't true?

Why did you say you loved me,

Then turned around and set me free

When I lay and think, in my bed at night,

The day you'll arrive, seems nowhere in sight.

I toss I turn, dreaming of you, opening my eye's... checking if my dream came true.

It didn't, again, and a tear starts to roll,

weeping quietly... my pillow I hold.

I wished somehow I could say,

A Happy Anniversary in a loving way.

But I know this day we are not together,

Has no meaning left to you in any way.

Much more than any other day,

This day was special to us in everyway,

Anniversaries are meant to be happy and to be together,

But I know that’s not going to happen, For now and forever!!!!

The September of Pleasures and of Discontentment!!!!

In life, we all have moments. Moments we cherish we enjoy, we are sad, we feel pain and still, we continue with life. Living with all that it has given us. Sometimes the happiness continues to be with us and sometimes the pain becomes an eternal part of it.

Some moments some months some time remind us of things that we have left back in the time..
September was one of those months for her. Today sitting in her own company and solitude she remembered. Remembered the time, the company, the moments, the joy and warmth, this month had got her. The same month, 8 years back was bliss was a moment of joy which she mistakenly thought would last for a lifetime.

8 years back. It was September. Still a bit humid and windy and rainy in that city of joy. The rains had just arrived freshly. He came to her life. The exams were over. They all were just enjoying the college after exams and before the next session would start. There were 6- 7 months more left for college to end.
Love happens when you least expect to find it around. All those 2 years in college they saw each other and had just discarded of each other’s presence and moved on. Then why they had to meet when just a few months was left and they could have chosen to be in different directions. But life certainly had other plans. Destiny had planned that they meet, they fall in love, celebrate their good times together.
That September they started knowing each other. They shared the 1st walk together to the bus stop. A walk both of them wanted to take but were hesitant of telling each other. They enjoyed the walk. It was like a breath of fresh air, a cool breeze which you get after the rains.

It was their first seeing each other in the eyes and stealing that moment of togetherness which was in silence between them.
It was their first talking that they did and they enjoyed each other’s company. It was the first time that he asked her out and she softly denied coz she was too scared to go out with him so soon. It was the 1st time she sat with him in the class on the same bench, economics being only the common thing between them.
It was the first dream she started seeing in him. Her first wish that this moment would just stand still and she can be with him for eternity. It was the first time she felt that loving him was the beginning of everything.

Every morning while entering the college gate her eyes would look for him. Like any new relationship they had lot of things to know share discover about each other. He told her what sausages are and how are they made and she told him she has never eaten them. She use to catch a bus back home but together they started taking the ferry back home as it meant more of time together. They talked less, tried to understand the silence between them. They enjoyed the little auto ride together to the ferry station. They fought less smiled more. They missed each other less and thought of each other more. Their love had just started in their hearts and they added beautiful years of togetherness, happiness and love to their relationship. Yes September was the start of all these things which was life in true sense. It was the start of life of dreams and of everything.

Seven years later life had changed a lot. It was September once again but it was nothing like before.
September was the start of a relationship which would last for a lifetime. Well that’s what she had thought. And this Septmeber was also the end of it.
They again had silence between them. But she was not enjoying this silence, she was fighting it. It was breaking her within. It was causing her pain, and discomfort. She wanted to know where did she fall short that he left her so ruthlessly. She told him begged him pleaded to him not to leave her once again. She told she cant cry anymore coz her eyes are hurting now. He knew what this relationship, what he meant to her. It was her breath, her life.
Her dreams had crumbled and more than that her trust. Her faith in her man who had let her down in so many ways. The one man she had thought would stand by her when the whole world would walk out on her. The one man who was the reason for her love and today who was the reason that she was hating herself.
The relationship which was priceless to her has ended. He chose to let her go and all those years didn’t mattered. That love didn’t mattered, the commitment didn’t mattered the faith didn’t mattered, she didn’t mattered. All that mattered was his decision on her. His decision of not letting her to be a part of his life, of not being with her forever.
If she feels content about something its that she gave this relationship all she could. Commitment, faith, trust, love and all she could do to make it work, to preserve it, to hold it and not let it go. Not a moment she had thought about herself without him and this relationship. The person, the relationship had occupied most of her existence. She was too emotional with the bonding with him. She trusted him too much with all her faith. She gave all her commitments to this relation to make it work. She gave her all her efforts to make it happen and not let go. She gave all her love she had within herself. She gave all of prayers to god for this one thing from Him.
Today she has nothing. She is empty from within. She is void of everything and that’s why she has still not got over of all this, not yet moved on even though the person has, and is happy and in love again with someone else now. What does it takes to stop loving someone and start loving someone else again. To be so indifferent, to be so insensitive to a person whom once you had loved so much, atleast that's what he told her all these years.That nothing else matters, not even how much the other person still loves you.
The gap is huge and the emptiness is deep and she knows she has to fill it up alone now.
It’s the saddest thing in the world to love someone who used to love you. When you are in love and you get hurt, it’s like a cut... it will heal, but there will always be a scar.
Its true that we should not let someone become our everything because when they are gone you have nothing.

What can I say, what can I do,
With all the memories that I have of you.
You with whom my world was made,
You whose memory would never fade.
Not having you around,
Makes my whole world go down.
You who promised to hold,
My every smile and all my tears.
You who now just left me,
To be nowhere.
The wounds might go away,
But the scars in the soul will forever stay.
Today I sit back and wonder,
Was it love or just passion,
That lasted just for a few seasons.
Memories stay,
They stay forever,
Be it for this,
Or for all the coming September.
And I will remember forever and ever,
What you did to me,
The last September.
I can't be happy,
And I can just lament,
For this is the September,
The September of my discontentment!!!

A Year of Denials and Indifference!!! Breaking Away..

Some how I don’t want to complete the story I had started, The Lost Dreams. It’s not meant to be completed I guess. It was not a fiction but a true story of a girl I have known practically all my life and lived with and of the guy whom she trusted more than anyone else.

The characters in the story that they were, and that they are today have gone a sea of change.. The emotions, the feelings, the love that they had shared has all been washed out but it’s only from one end. The girl is still very much in love with that guy who has just left her to be on her own, dealing with all that she has to in her life. She knows she has to come out of this coz there is no love now, only her crushed dreams and broken trust and a past which will haunt her for ever.
Is it wrong to love someone more than yourself. Is it wrong to lose your self completely to the relation that holds everything in your life, is it wrong to trust someone so blindly? Yes I guess its wrong coz it will let you know all the pain and rip you from within.

Is it easy to overcome the love you had for a person, and be with someone else very much in love again. A relationship which has been a part of our life for years, is it so easy to forget it and again begin with a fresh start. I guess its easy coz that’s what I have known and seen. Don’t you hate it when they do something so hurtful, fill your life with so much of pain and then they say sorry and expect everything will be ok. They just become normal people thinking nothing is wrong and they are so engrossed in their life without thinking what’s happening with the other person. They are happy in their world.

Saying sorry doesn't mean there isn't guilt and forgiving doesn't mean the pain is gone.

I think she had too much of this pain and of every other thing she had never thought that she would be or should be getting.
She just wants to go way from here , away from all the pain, the thoughts that haunts her, she wants to break away from everything from every person she knows. She just wants to go away far.
You can’t hold things back because there comes a point when you can't hold them back anymore and all you feel like doing is breaking down. She want to be numb to everything around her, to every feeling every pain that she has known till far. She has become something she thought she would never become.

She is not a perfect person. She does get hurt ,gets jealous and yes she does get offended when someone behaves so indifferently and insensitively. Is it easy to be like that with the person you claim you loved at some point of time. Is all that harshness and insentiveness really required? I don’t know. Is life all about living with these things.
I am not so good also that I can continue my goodness even if I am treated with such harshness.
I don’t know if this post makes any sense but I just wanted to blurt out my feelings. It seems all lost. These are just some questions for which I am trying to find an answer.
Today it’s exactly a year of denial and indifference and of everything that’s lost. They say time is the best healer but some wounds are never meant to heal..never!!!!

I knew laughter when I knew him, now I know what’s pain coz of him.
I knew times would be beautiful when we were together, now I know I am just lonely without him.
I knew its easy to trust, now I know a trust breaker, and its painful to bear.
I knew I had a beautiful relationship, only to lose it and now it’s meaningless.
I knew you loved , now I don’t know if it was just pretension.
I knew I loved you, I know you were validating.
I knew the little games we played together, I know you were toying with my emotions.
I knew love exist, I know now betrayal exists even more.
I knew my eyes brightening up seeing you, now I know we wud never see each other.
I knew I wanted to hold on to everything, I know you just wanted to let it go.
I knew you were my everyone, until you tore my soul apart.
I knew you wrote our names in your heart, I know you have erased it forever now.
I knew I was innocent, I know I have lost it at the wrong door.
I knew I mattered, now I know I was ridiculed.
I knew I had hopes and dreams, I know you have crushed them.
I knew I loved you unconditionally, I know you had conditions for love
I knew I wouldnt be able to live without you, I know you have moved on, and I have to!!!

Away!!! But just for a While..

I don’t think I would be blogging for a while. There is so much work I am caught up into that I really don’t get the time to write something. I just don’t want to write a post for the sake of writing but when I feel like writing. I need to complete the story I have started and will do that for sure. In the mean while I would definitely come and read all your posts whenever I can.
Thanks to all of you for being there and I am sure when I write a new post you guys would definitely give it a read.
Keep smiling till then!!!

The Lost Dreams!!! Part -1

His arms were the only place she felt secured, she felt loved and she felt blessed. At times she would wonder if all this is real, she has so much of love in her life. She didn’t wished and prayed anything more than they being together always, the way they are today. She was glad he was there with her. His presence made her realized how beautiful her world is!!!

She was just another girl in her college. Carefree, joyful, cheerful, lost among her friends enjoying her college days like any other student. Her 1st year exams were over and she hadn’t given much of a thought as what she plans to do after graduation. She had her own group of friends. Going to college everyday, attending classes, spending hours chatting gossiping, eating chats, going for small shoppings with friends, all this was just a part of her life. After months of studying and exams being over she was just making the most of whatever few months were left, for the college to get over.
She didn’t had a boyfriend and she didn’t feel that there is anything missing in her life. She was happy in her life and her people around.

One fine day at her usual place on the stairs she was talking to her friend, unaware of the fact that after this what’s going to happen would change her life and her completely in the years to come.
She saw him coming inside the college premises from the gate and coming towards her. She had seen him few times before in these 2 years in college but never paid that much attention as he was not from her class.
She doesn’t knows what made her ask her friend as soon she saw him coming towards them. Iska naam kya hain. Her friend promptly replied and told his name. By that time he was close enough to the tap which was just beside the stairs they were seated, and he asked her, naam puch rahe ho. Well with no other option she had to say yes with a smile. After drinking the water he asked her what are you.. She didn’t understand what he meant and asked him what do you mean what am I. He said no I meant where are you from. After this he started talking to her friend who was his friend also and in his class as well.

Well the walk that day inside the college gate was not just an ordinary walk. It was a walk he made in her life and be a part of her and the story they made together in their lives.

P.S- to be continued.

My Holidays!!!

I was on a long break and had gone to my home town Calcutta. Yes that’s the way I love calling it despite it having a new name Kolkata. The break was definitely worth taking…it was almost close to 2 yrs that I had been there. As soon as I stepped out of the airport the sweat and humidity welcomed me. Yes it was horribly hot there but still I was too excited to mind anything. Nothing has changed, oh yes but the seating arrangement in public buses has changed and now the seats are back to back. What an eye I have. Well as I said nothing has changed. The weather is same, humid and hot, the roads are same congested and most of the times crowded with handpulled rickshaws and small tea shops. The small sweet shops still line the roads. Handpumps to be seen everywhere. The small lanes which eventually lead to big houses. When I stepped inside my home I was so excited to see all my brothers and sisters. Yes I have a big joint family and I don’t like my uncles kids to be called as my cousins. They are my brothers and sisters. I am the oldest among them and the youngest is Meghu with just 3 and half years old. They were all so happy and excited to see me. Not once I felt I was away from them from such a long time.
I treated my self to the fish curry I had been missing from such a long time. Everyday I use to eat the different kind of sweets from mishit doi to gojaa..Life was nothing just getting up having breakfast watching tv, chilling at home. How I missed all this. I went out to meet my school friends and it was delighting to meet them. Infact I met one of my friend Utsav after 10 yrs. And he has still hasn’t changed with all his witty and silly jokes still at place. I use to become so nostalgic when I would cross a certain road or place and think, some years back I use to pass this road everyday, use to take this bus everyday.. and now I hardly get to see it.

Some places are sketched in our mind just like memories, moments. Places which have seen you evolve as a person, from a small child to a grown up. Places which has given you your 1st crush, your 1st love, your best friends, your lifelong relationships, your favourite hangout , your favourite cuisines, your tears and happiness and not to say some of the best memories. Places which has given you an identity and what you are today. They have witness all of that.. Today when I was crossing the junction of my college I was just wondering, this city has given and taken away so many things from me. Things I never wanted from life but still it gave me and so much happiness along with it, and things I never wanted to let go but still it was taken away. Whatever it is as I said Calcutta will always be home. I feel at peace with myself when I am there. Even if I am lonely I don’t feel the loneliness. The moments spent, the feeling of close friends, my family my house where I spent my childhood keep me warm and happy.
Its something, I would never let go!!!!

My Love!!!

I am going to meet my love!!!
I am going to Calcutta this Sunday for a loooooongggg vacation. Calcutta is the city I love to be in!!!

And did I tell you that I share my birthday today with Rahul Gandhi.. Now you cant wish him so you can as well wish me:-)

Take care all of you and see you once I am back.

A Beautiful World!!!

He – It will be a boy!!!
She- No it should be a girl…

He- No I want someone to play football and cricket with me and play car racing games. Girls are no good in that…
She- No I want someone to dress up like a doll and purchase all cute little things for her.

He- Can you girls think beyond dressing up and make up. Its final it would be a boy…
She- And can you guys think beyond games and cricket…

He- Fine I agree we cant. Happy… It would be a boy!!!
She- No no..its our first kid and and it would be girl.

He- You don’t understand, If it’s a girl we have to be very protective towards her. Boys will be behind her. The world is no more a good place to live in you see !!! (tries all his efforts to convince her)
She- Yes and if it’s a boy he would be the one who would go behind all those girls…and I don’t want that..

He- Fine do you what you want..
She- A big smile. Thank you jaan. I love you for standing by me for everything.

He- hugs her. Any thing for you…

Next Day…Missionaries of Charities Orphanage.

He – She is so cute… just like you.
She- I am afraid to hold her. She is so small, so fragile. What if I hurt her.

He- Don’t worry I am there with you. Together we will take care of her and give her all the love she deserves.
Lets go home with our baby girl and give her a world full of love.

Encourage Adoption. Make Lives Beautiful...

A Love Story!!!

He- I love you!!!
She- Is quiet....
He- You don’t want to say anything.
She- I think my bus has come.
He- Ok.. come I will drop u till the bus..
She- Takes the bus.
He - Still waits for an answer.
She- Looks at him from the window, smiles at him, her eyes saying it all, what he wanted to hear!!!
He- Gets his answers, waits for tomorrow when they would have a new beginning together..

p.s- This is not a work of fiction, but a true story:-)

Maine Dekha hain...

This is my first attempt to write a poetry. Good or bad I dont know. I just wanted to post it as I have written it.

Sapno mein khud ko jeete hue dekha hain.
Phir unhi sapno me khud ko tut the hue paaya hain

Ek kalki umeed
Ek saath ka ehsaas
Man me geet
Wo saath jo tha bahut khaas.
In sapno ko sanjote hue dekha hain
Phir inhi me khud ko bikharte hue paaya hain

Kuch palo me hui thi jab zindagi roshan
Un palon ko andhere me khote hue dekha hain
Hawan ki jhokon mein un saari yaadon ko
Un baton ko khud se jhujhte hue paaya hain

Kuch yaadein kuch baatein,
kuch sapnen, lekar aaj chalein hain
Jo manzil mil gayi to chal padenge
Jo naa mili to kya haathon mein inhe liye
Yahin baithe rahenge…….!!!!!!!!

Maine bhikre pare tukron mein bhi kal ka aks dekha hai
Khud ko gir ke phir sambhalte huye payaa hai
Mana ki tukre aaj bhi chubhte hain
Magar us dard mein bhi khud ko muskurate huye paya hai….

Have You Ever!!!!

Have you been in a crowd,

And felt alone.

Have you been in the sunshine,

But look at darkness..

Have you seen a million dreams,

But they have just remained thus…

Have you had expectations,
But went unnoticed...

Have you had beautiful moments,
And only the thoughts’ remain!!!

Have you held the night with a single hand, and not let it go,
But realized it’s all gone and make yourself understand!!!

Have you loved someone with all you have,
And found yourself feeling empty!!!

Have you counted the days to be with them
But the days never seemed to end!!!

Have you trusted someone with all your heart,
But then realized your heart was lying to you!!!

Have you prayed to God,
Only to get your prayers unanswered!!!

Have you thought of always being together
But there was just a lonely life to last forever!!!

Have you wanted to live a life,
Just to know that everything within you is dead!!!

Have you wanted to hold them and never let them go
But all they wanted is to... let you go!!!

My First Award!!!

Well I have got my first Blog Award from Kajal...http://lifeofthepinkorchid.blogspot.com/

Thanks kajal for this award. This is my first and I am so excited that even I have one award now. Thanks a ton:-)

Random Things!!!

Its Wednesday today!!! There is hardly any substantial work I have done since Monday.
From Monday I was kinda not feeling well. Not sure if I was also a victim of Monday blues. P.s I have never hated Mondays unlike my other colleagues and never whined to come to office. This monday though was entirely different. I was just not feeling good and was irritated. The weather too was gloomy and dull.
A surprise conversation with someone also didn’t do anything good to uplift my mood. I thought, going home I will sit down and do some justice to my german homework which I have been planning to do since Sunday. I didn’t do that also.
Today I have promised myself, that I would go home and sit down to study and not waste my time watching tv. Lets see how good I am at fulfilling it.

Rajani!!!

Ok before anyone starts guessing anything that whether its about the teleserial Rajani well it’s not.
Rajani is my friend from college and its been 10 years now that I have known her. After my college we lost touch and I had never thought that I would get to speak to her, as I moved out of Calcutta to do my M.B.A. We had shared some very good, bad wonderful, angry, eating and study (ah can’t remember this one) moments together.. In college we would always be together though she was from Arts and I was in Science. I don’t really recollect how and when our friendship started. Probably it was just coincidence that we got together. We use to fix up time that we would be coming to college at this time.In the morning I use to call her and tell her that what time I would be coming to college. We would meet, chit chat, roam in and around college, go for our respective classes and then again come back and start our chit chatting. I really think hard to recollect what we use to talk so much.

There were 2 joints we regularly visited almost. The bhelpuri waala and the imli chutney waala. In just 5 bucks we use to eat bhelpuri and 1 or 2 rs we use to buy that chatpati chutney and eat and do time pass. We use to share almost everything. Any problems, any good news, the food we ate. Evenings I use to drop her by her bus stop and waited till she get into a bus. She never used to allow me to sit and study in library even if I wanted to. I remember going with her for one of her history classes (remember I was in science) and the professor caught me talking and he made me stand up and asked me to say which chapter he was teaching. I was obviously blank as I was not paying attention and it was not my subject after all. We use to call each other from home also and talk. It was such fun filled days such days where we had no tensions no worry no responsibilities.
College was just fun!!!

8th May 2002 was the last time I saw her. That day we had our last final exams.
Today we are in touch again but our life has changed a mega lot. She still remembers so many things about us. She was telling me today that I gave her a big card on friendship day, but I really don’t remember, She also remembers certain things that I would have told her and certain instances where what my reaction was. She still remembers almost everything.
We use to talk and plan about how and where our life would be. What we would do in the years to come. Its all changed and its all went in a different way.

As I moved in life I got more friends and more people took a special place, but for her I am still her only friend the way I was years back. I don’t know should I be happy or sad!!! Wishing her all the best and everything good in life.

Jaane kahan Gaye Wo Din!!!

I was surfing through channels and that’s when I stopped at DD 1. Chitrahaar was coming.

Remembered the good old days when we used to wait for Wednesdays. Wednesday were the days when Chitrahaar use to come. Don’t remember the time but I guess it was from 7 pm to 8 pm.

I still remember how I would be excited from morning that, oh today’s Wednesday and Chitrahaar is going come. More remarkable was the patience that we al had to sit and see the songs. It was just songs and still we enjoyed it so much looking athe songs. My mom would scold me sometimes for leaving my studies and watching tv. Not watching chitrahaar was something a sacrifice I didn’t wanted to go through.

Today I really don’t remember if hardly I would just pause and listen to a complete song unless its my super duper favourite track. We just keep on flicking channels. With enough channels and programmes at disposal we have lost value for the old and good things and as well as the patience.

With less we were happy and with more life has become just a means of existence.

Love is....

Love is
…something shared!!
Love is
…noticing the moment she is unwell!!
Love is
…something you cant get through the week without!!!
Love is
…eagerly turning the other cheek!!!
Love is
…saving his kisses for when he’s away!!!
Love is
…the other man in your life!!!
Love is
…always driving with care!!
Love is
…meeting romance head on!!!
Love is
…when he tries to count every freckle!!!
Love is
…having someone to talk in the evenings!!!
Love is
…wanting him all to yourself!!!
Love is
…what a lonely heart would like to share!!!
Love is
…a strong arm to hold when the sidewalk is icy!!!
Love is
…backing up his fishing stories!!!
Love is
…rearranging the furniture for her at midnight!!!
Love is
…trying to be pleased when he’s won a motorbike in a raffle!!!
Love is
…your little bundle of energy!!!
Love is
…starting out with nothing but each other!!!
Love is
…when every little bit counts!!!
Love is
…still feeling his hug the morning after!!!
Love is
…when the journey to back home gets interesting!!!
Love is
…caring about him inspite of his temper!!!
Love is
…sweeter when you are sharing!!
Love is
…something you’ll always treasure!!!
Love is
…something you all have!!!

Voted Out!!!

I voted yesterday and I am ecstatic about it. Just happy about it. It’s the first time I gave my vote!!!

Stars and Fishes!!!

My drawing on MS paint. I am pathetic at drawing. My retirement plans are fixed now. Painting classes!!! But its cute naa. 2 things that I like.. Stars in the sky and fishes in aquarium....Love to watch them.
One more thing. Its fun to do it sometimes specially if you are bad at it. Just open MS paint and see how your creativity surprises you. Happy Painting!!!

Shubho Nabo Barsho!!!

Ajo ache sei surji doba nodi..
Ajo ache sei nokshi kathar math

Ache chalay chokh rekhe miche swapno dekha
Ache chile kothar ghare kichu ichche rakha

Dure chole geche , bahu dure.. bujhte parini kato dure..
Albumer majhe din gulo harie geche

Sei barshay hatujal rastata aaj kothay ache?
Jani na, ami jani na…

Ajo jete chai sei ghum poriri deshe
Ajo chute chai sei chander pahar

Ache chander majhe charka burir chaka
Aache tepantarer mathe kichu swapno rakha.

Dure chole geche , bahu dure.. bujhte parini kato dure.. Albumer majhe din gulo harie geche

Sei grismer dupur gulo keno bodle geche?
Jani na, ami jani na…

Had read these few lines sometimes back somewhere.
Its bengali’s New year today.Poila Baisakh as they call it.
Though not a Bengali, witnessing this celebration since childhood has been a ritual every year. Our tenants who were Bengali used to celebrate it and sweets and chanachur were eagerly awaited.
I remember there used to be a very tiny shop at the end of the road. We use to call that man kaaku. On that particular year he had made bonde ( boondiyan which is a sweet) and neatly kept in small packets. He was selling them,each packet for 5 paise. Oh yes just 5 paise. But the catch was he would sell it only once to one person not again. His idea was to distribute the sweets to all.
We a bunch of kids went and each bought the sweet packet and he didn’t see us properly as who all are buying. Finished it was just in a minute and we wanted more. We knew he wouldn’t give us again as we have already bought once. Thought of trying our luck again, one by one we went and bought again and relished again. He started scolding us when he came to know we were playing a prank and bought the sweets again and again. It was fun. Its not that the sweets were outstanding and we wont get it in any other sweet shop. The festival, the friends the place all made a difference. As I said earlier Calcutta will always be home. I just miss each and everything about the city.

Random Things!!!

Yesterday after I left office I decided I would go by a bus.

Waited for almost 20 mins for a bus to come and I was actually enjoying the wait. Sitting on the bench at the bus stop watching life just walking running driving and rushing by.

A guy was sitting on the next bench. A sweet looking young girl came and started talking. Just after 5 mins the girl got up and told that guy bye. It looked she was irritated. She walked away. They guy looked at her going away. Not sure if he was crying but saw him rubbing off his eyes. He looked sad and disappointed and was just randomly seeing the roads and the vehicles.

2 college girls were busy chattering. Not too sure what they were talking as it was in kannada, but something about chemistry and some fun they did in the lab.

Waited waited and waited. Wanted to go in a Volvo. I just love the New Volvo buses. Its so comfortable and pleasing. The whole idea of travelling by public transport has changed. I just love the bus and wouldn’t miss a chance of travelling by it.
Finally I hopped into a Suvarna the silver bus. The conductor was a nice person and made me smile as I was trying to figure out what did he say in Kannada. Just understood aayetu madam when I asked him back my change.

When I got back home I went to my neighbour aunty. She has 2 beautiful daughters. Madhuri and Madhu. Both of them are very cute,Madhu being the younger one so little more chirpy and cuter. As usual they are getting bored of their summer vactions. So when I go there sometimes they feel delighted. We sit and play sometimes business some time chit chatting just hearing them speak about their school studies and things they did at home. Madhu seems very excited and she keeps telling me a lot of things. This time they showed me their dance they have learned and it was good. Madhu’s energy level was fantastic and though she was tired she kept on dancing on so many numbers. They were happy that I sat and saw their dance. I felt happy coz I gave a bit off my time and made them smile and I was happy too at the end of the day.

Bade Ache Lagte Hain

Bade ache lagte hain..
Ye dharti, ye nadiya, yeh raina, aur…auuur tummm…
Hum tum kitne pass hain Jitne
Door hain chand sitaare.
Sach pucho to, man ko jhoote, lagte hain ye saare.
Magar sache lagte hain
Ye dharti ye nadiya yeh raina.. aur…aur tumm

Beautiful song isn’t it… It has a beautiful memory also attached.

It was the song he sang for her on the guitar. It was a wonderful moment forever to be etched in her mind.. Wish she could hold on to the moment, its magic and its beauty that was there, created by their togetherness.
It was the 1st song he had learnt on the guitar. It was a first time first he sang for her the first song he had learnt and the first time she listening to him, singing for her.

More songs and more memories were to follow.
Everything I do, I do it for you….

Now also this song whenever it starts brings back those memories.

M was telling me today that how sometimes back I was just singignt this song and I happened to forgot one of the lines. She was new to our office then. After I stopped she started singing from there. She just remembered and then both of us started singing. Later R joined us and she sang it and it was beautiful….

Everything's been beautiful. Memories don’t fade.. they become stronger…

Life...It goes on!!!

Should I call him or should I msg him. Or I should just leave the way things are. Its disturbing me from within. I pick up my cell. It rings and I am so habituated of hearing the ring and a sec after that, the voice of the lady “the Vodafone no you have called is busy” that even before it rings I know from within, I am going to hear her again. Its been a long time that he has actually picked my phone and spoken to me. I saw the time. It was 1.00 am. I stared at the ceiling trying to conceal the disappointment I had within myself. I was feeling sad about myself. Memories played in my mind as tears took their place instead of sleep in my eyes.

I wanted to hold them back.. I didn’t wanted to cry this time. Somehow I had begun afraid of crying. It made me feel lost weak and downtrodden. I tried again but it was the same. Hopes of him getting back to me was almost something I don’t know if I could expect.

Morning after such a night is always horrible. As soon as you get up the sadness engulfs you from all sides reminding all’s not well. You look yourself and your eyes tell the dreams you have lost…

A feeling which almost ruffles me that why do I miss him so much. My thoughts, my existence, my reason of being happy which are tied to his thoughts. But may be for him things have changed. I have changed for what I meant to him. It hurts me deep inside and all the more when his ignorance becomes so obvious. I want to go somewhere far where I can move on, from his thoughts, his life so that he can have some peace from me. May be that’s what he wants. I want to free him of the burden of loving me back. I want this to do for him.

But my zaniness doesn’t allows me to prevail in this thought for long. I try to be happy with his thoughts and turn a blind eye to whatever I had am going through. I try to slip out of my world of memories and start the day again with a new hope that things would be better and he would call me. That means the world for me, whick I don’t think I have now. There might be something wrong at his end. Thoughts like this try to comfort the mind.

A week later, a month later I know would be at the same cross roads. I would miss him again, want to hear his voice again would cry would wage a battle with myself within myself, and again try to be out of all these things.. Answers to questions I struggle to find….again try to be free of all this, of myself…. till the time I lose myself completely.

Merry Christmas

It was a cold December, and a Christmas evening. Though Christmas not being an important festival for her that year it held a special meaning for her. A very special meaning. The past 2 months of her life had been a different and a wonderful time. The feeling of being in love and the way your world changes was there. A gentle smile always wore the lips and happiness surrounded the mind.
A new person had become a part of her world…Though they were not a very outgoing couple, still they seemed to enjoy every little time they could have together and their world seemed to be content, not of their company and the talks they share, but whatever they have for each other.

He had told her “I Love You” and she knew he meant it. It was not planned and was very unexpected. She took life as it came and she was happy in being in love with him. But she has yet to tell him I love you. She hasn’t from the time he has told her. She thought of letting her speak out that Christmas evening wanting to make it special for him.

She was waiting for his call. He called her that evening.

Trin Trin, the phone goes ring……… ( cant write in words how a mobile fone tune would ring)
He: Merry Christmas Sweetheart
She: Merry Christmas ( in a delightful yet polite voice)

She: So how was your day.
He: It was good. Nothing much.

He: So what you doing
She: Watching Tv, waiting for your call (her mom calls for dinner..coming mom )

He: Ok so we meeting tomorrow.
She: Yes 11.30 am, metro station

He: Ok chalo bye then.
She:bye (didn’t wantd to keep the phone)

She- Acha sunoooo….
He: Haan bolo

She: come there at 11.30 am, metro
He: Ok. Aur kuch

She: Yes
He: haan bolo

She: After a pause… I love you ( in the most beautiful way and with all her heart as he is the only one she is going to love)
He: Me Too..

She- Ok bye ( a little disappointed that he didn’t say her I love you)
He: Bye see you tomorrow ( she could feel his smile and happiness)

She smiled gently after keeping the phone. A smile which dint fade till it reached her eyes and her eyes were full of smiles too.
Ps: Later comes to know he was talking from a public fone so couldn’t tell her I love you in return.
Never mind.. Lots of moments came when he did say that and made her felt the most special person…

Love makes you smile, love makes you cry, it makes you happy, it gives you pain.
Love is all I had and its all I have… and I have empty hands

Love Lost....

I read this poem or song some 2 and a half years ago. I was deeply touched when I read it. It still reminds me of certain things I have been through that time... Just wanted to relive those moments...

Do you remember when we met?
Do you remember when at first it was just all a bet?
Remember when you told me that your love for me
went to the moon all uphill?
But the question is,
do you still?
Remember when you called me
to confess that you were deep in love with me?
I remember my phone going ring, ring, ring.
It almost seemed as if to sing.
I've always heard that real love always lasts,
but I think you're leaving it in the past...

Did you?
Did you forget all about it?
Did you forget how
you were the one to give me my first kiss?
Well now I'm starting to know
that love also fades.
Where there was fire
there is ashes.
But all along I still remember
all that you and I went through.
I think that would make a sweet memory,
Do you?
Would you ever hold the night
With just a single hand?
Would you ever let me go,
And make me understand?
Would you ever kiss me softly,
As if that kiss meant good-bye?
Would you hold me, oh so closely,
If I was to start to cry?

Would the tears I cried for you
Make you feel my pain?
Or would you not care for me one bit,
And my hurt would be in vain?
Would a simple question,
Remain unanswered?
Or if you were asked who you love,
Would I be your answer?

Would you keep your word
Of being always together?
Or would this lonely life
of mineLast forever?
If I told you I felt sad
Would you come be by my side?
If I was to get you mad,
Would it hurt you deep inside?

Don't ever tell me you don't care
Because I just know that isn't true.
If your heart decided to love someone,
...Would I be the one for you?

Time Office aur Rajma…

Wierd title isnt it.. This post is also just a bit weird and random. Just wrote what I could think of.

Wondering where to start with.. As usual I was late again for office today. I think time really runs for me in the morning somehow. Either they have something against me or I am bad at time management.. Had planned to get sandwiches today and had made the preparations last night itself..But still as it was I was not able to get ready and leave home to reach office on time. But it also goes to the fact I was making lunch for my team members as well, as for myself. You see they really love what I get (not that I am boasting of myself to be a culinary expert). After having a bite the 2nd patent question which pops up is how did you make it. I go to all the details and tell them how did I do it without knowing the outcome how will it come out when they make it.
Though I have seen a sample of how Shruthi attempted to make rajma the way I told her. Incredible, it was a perfect south indianised rajma though I had told her in a north indian way. She had put her own efforts and it turned out to be good Needless to say that rajma is a north indian curry. I have to admit that how it just makes a difference just being a northie and southie when you cook. If you just do a google search on how to cook Rajma it will pop up 28800 results Wow!!! . See even the food discriminates itself when prepared and we are here on top of our voices shouting against indiscrimation…
So coming back to recipes, I have thought of a strategy. Whatever I decide to make I will type down the recipe the previous day and keep a soft copy saved. As soon as someone wants the recipe I would forward them the soft copy. And you never know in the coming years I may publish a cook book also, thanks to all the saved recipes. Anyways it’s a long way to go and and secondly I don’t like cooking so much as to take all the painful efforts to publish a book. There are enough in the market to help out with. Coming back to to office and time. I didn’t get my scooty again today and I am feeling bad for it. We are such strange people. We start feeling bad for little things in life. Wonder when will the good times come. Maybe when I reach office someday sharp at 9 on my scooty without having to cook and worry about the rest of the world. After all they say you should search for happiness in the little and simple things of life….Like a bowl of rajma curry and hot rice....Happy day.

Streak My Scooty Streak!!!

Ok so I have bought something which is the most expensive thing I have bought till date on own. I have bought a Scooty Streak.I wont say I am very excited as I was supposed to get it long back but still I am happy that now I also have a vehicle which I can take and go where ever and whenever I can. Depends on the practice thoughJ While I was getting it from the showroom to office to park it I fell down in the parking area. Lost my balance and a bit of confidence also. But then again took it back home.. So waiting to discover the roads, the places I have been waiting and wanting to go…Wish me a safe riding..

Mollarchok!!!

Any idea what’s this. Now before any of you reading my post jump into any conclusion I want to tell it’s the name of a sweet shop in Shibpur,Howrah. Just try pronouncing it and it would be fun. Growing up in Calcutta sweets have an important place in my life, and this neighbourhood shop has been there since the time I can remember and its still the same. Isnt it good in today’s time where things are changing so fast they have chose to retain their old charm and the spread of the sweets they had all these years.

It’s a small shop with no fancy attractions. A door which leads you inside and you can almost see all the sweets inside the glass case kept neatly arranged in trays. One one side there use to be huge vats of rasogullas and pantoouas floating in a thick sugar syrup.
There used to be a huge fridge in front and I always used to wonder this fridge is so big that even I can go and sit inside during summers. The fridge was the place where misthi doi used to be stored in clay pots and prices started from 5 rs. In 5 rs you get a small pot of mishti doi that will just satiate your taste buds.
At times lunch or dinner would almost be completed with a pot of mishi doi, and occasionally with any guests coming in, that was the shop we used to get sweets.

Variety of sweets, my favourite being kaachagolla….Its a milk sweet made with jaggery or sugar..Its just different very different.I can still feel the taste. Life changes but not everything changes with it and that’s why we love them for the way they are.

Calcutta will always be home. I have a crazy love for the city which would never fade.

Calcutta Calling!!! Memories Calling….

Well I am just missing Calcutta. I love it calling Calcutta as opposed to Kolkata. I can relate myself better this way. Actually Calcutta is the more fine way of calling it. Hindi speaking people call it Kal-Katta and the sweet speaking Bengalis call it Kolkata. So one can their pick what they want to call it. Does any other place gives that choice so easily.
Well Calcutta the city wich gave me everything…My parents my home my education and the reason to be what I am today. My memories go back as long as when I started realizing that I am a part of this city, this place. Yes no doubt I just love the place the way it is. With its narrow roads, walls laden with movie posters, richshaws pulling all over the road, egg rolls and chicken rolls shop at every stop and all the small sweet shops that line up at the road. Rosogollas, and misthi doi (Sweet curd) being an integral part of the city.The city has both a leisureness and a liveliness.
Boys having an adda at their paras, kids going to tuitions on bicycles, girls just going out for a stroll eating rolls or jhaal muri and doing jhaaki maara ( seeing people of the opposite sex) elderly people relaxing in the evening with a bite of muri (puffed rice) and chop (Bhajjis as known here) is just something one can experience there.
Today I miss all this so much and it seems life has become so different.. with no pauses no stopping. Its just going on and on.
The place where I used to live was Shibpur in Howrah. The biggest township of Calcutta or better known as the twin city. Though much better developed and maintained now it was not very upmarket some few years back. There is a shibpur bazaar where you get everything you want. From groceries to vegetables, fish, meat, sweets. Stepping in that bazaar will bring in you an activeness. One can see elderly with their jholas (bags) shopping and bargaining for vegetables and fish.
A small tea shop here and there where some people would just gather over a cup of chaa (tea) and discuss about Saurav Ganguly to football to governments policies to Mamata Banerjee and give their opinions. Well no one is there to listen to them but still. Its just an integral part of the lifestyle there to have an adda session. For people who dont know passion for football and Sourav runs in every one's blood.
Sitting just by the bank of Ganges or better known as the Hoogly river one can just gaze at the sky and think about nothing. The breeze is just wonderful which touches your face and soothes your soul. The ferry which goes across from Shibpur to Calcutta better known as launch, yes its launch, is a superb means of transport where one can reach the other side of the river without going through the traffic hussles and enjoying a river ride as well.Its a small kind of a ship which can carry 50 people to and fro and is an important means of transportations for people who dont wish to travel by roads or just want to avoid the traffic hussles and reach their destination peacefully.
The launch has given me some wonderful memories of my life when I was in college and used to take it to reach howrah. Standing on the launch and experiencing the wave and flow of the river beneath it and gazing the Howrah bridge from below, each time I saw it, I wondered what a creation it is…Today all this seems like a luxury..

Well summarizing all in one post what I feel about the city is difficult but yes the city is very much a part of me and my existence.
More is to follow.. Till then keep smiling:-)
Mani:-)

A Sunny Day....

A nice and sunny day but the not the mood. When I stepped out from home I thought its going to be better. But no, I am still feeling tired and drowsy and just want to doze off to sleep. Can I?? The fatigue of Saturday outing is still there. Well I had been to Club Cabana last Saturday and it was as usual great fun.The place was just beautiful. A perfect one where one can just go and unwind. Where you just can lie down with a book and no matter you read it or you just read the people who come there to enjoy We had great fun and it was the 1st time I played cricket and my team won. Hurray!!! The aggressiveness within us was remarkable. We were a one team before the cricket and we had split into 2 teams for the game. The way we were applauding our team batsmens and cheering when a four or six was being tossed off and the gloomy sigh when someone was out was noteworthy. We were just fighting for our own runs when the other team was reducing them in numbers and the same was the case vice versa. 39, 39 is the total. Hello when did it become 39 it was 29. no no it was 39 only. Masoom was shouting at the top of her voice against this so called cheating, well it was not, and Archana was just awesome as a bowler and an Umpire. She just refused to bowl when Srini didn’t accept he was out but he was.. Just a game and we were supposed to have fun. But then we took it as a game with all the aggresiveness and vigour and won it.And we were so happy….

The lazy river!!! The name is just so apt. You just have to take a tube and keep floating on it and enjoy the sun. Not everyday you get a chance to do something like it unless you have a pool of your own and have loads of time. Now who has a pool and time also.. Thats a prized thing to have it today… Well back to lazy river’s lazy lamhe, David was fun tumbling down everyone and creating more fun..Well all in all it was just fun and fun and fun and I guess that’s why we were there..

And all the after effects of having that fun are being experienced now. But still the time spent brings a smile which tries hard not to fade away with the aches and pains my body is having right now… I wish myself a nice day:-)

Some pics to support my views that they are facts indeed...

1 week Old!!!

The year has started and we are already 1 week old… Yipeee..So already getting adapt to the new challenges new dreams and receding old pains and reliving lost dreams!!!
A usual day at office with no work absolutely. Have made a goof up by dating my cheque wrong, 2 Dec-09..Waiting to go the bank to pay the money…..Money just flies. Where it goes I really don’t know. Bus fares ,auto fares, eating pastry, gulping pani puri, to that peanut guy , chewing pan, satiating the taste buds with a chicken roll, recharging you fone some thousand time for 60 rs, buying kurti or tshirt inspite having loads of them…And doing all this a visit to the doctor once in a while and how can I forget the birthday parties and farewell parties at office where we again gobble all the possible junk and fried foods with the same money we have contributed towards it…Money just flies..

Unknowingly I seem to be a little pleasant and happy. The thoughts of my past keep me happy.. Is there something wrong in it. Even it is I don’t want to care about it. Just for today I want to live it again become careless…Ah what a wonderful time it was.
But I am determined to make 2009 also as beautiful as it can be. I want to live it coz I think I owe it to myself…Now I really hope I keep up the thought and its not just a momentary high whilst I write this.. Everyday is meant to be upbeat and positive though I know at times its difficult to be.
At tea got to know about my colleagues’s dad who is suffering froma liver ailment and needs a transplant. Liver is an organ which can regenerate itself in the donor’s as well as the recipient’s body. The full organ is not required for transplant. Amazing and awesome isn’t it. The body in itself is a miracle and the way all the organs work together in harmony and sync to maintain the balance is an art beyond imagination. Ok too much philosophical now. I dont intend to become any guru maa and change my career path. Planning to spend another half day in office yawning.

Guten tag!!! I am again learning german you seeJ

Another New Year...

Another year has set in... The mood is set where we reflect and introspect on the past year,it's sucesses and failures, lost dreams renewed hopes and a lot of things... For me the year had started where I had thought about a lot of things but then I just slept over it. This blog is one example which I had started but just stopped after 2 posts. Anyways lets hope I continue it and I dont want to make any reolution for it...

Today I got a beautiful painting by my friend Masoom. Its a a simple painting drawn in pencil by her. The painting reminds me that somethings are beautiful when they are simple. Also it tells that even if we grow up we can do things in a simple way rather than expecting ourselves to be trained in whatever we do. I have kept it at my workstation board and its a cute one...
The day is as usual like any other day and i dont feel any change other than the date the last digit of the year and the month. Ya occasionaly hearing people beaming with joy and greeting Happy New Year does sends a thought to me that Oh!! one more battle to be fought, one more dream to be seen and one more life to lived. Hurray Happy New Year 2009.