Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Life...It goes on!!!

Should I call him or should I msg him. Or I should just leave the way things are. Its disturbing me from within. I pick up my cell. It rings and I am so habituated of hearing the ring and a sec after that, the voice of the lady “the Vodafone no you have called is busy” that even before it rings I know from within, I am going to hear her again. Its been a long time that he has actually picked my phone and spoken to me. I saw the time. It was 1.00 am. I stared at the ceiling trying to conceal the disappointment I had within myself. I was feeling sad about myself. Memories played in my mind as tears took their place instead of sleep in my eyes.

I wanted to hold them back.. I didn’t wanted to cry this time. Somehow I had begun afraid of crying. It made me feel lost weak and downtrodden. I tried again but it was the same. Hopes of him getting back to me was almost something I don’t know if I could expect.

Morning after such a night is always horrible. As soon as you get up the sadness engulfs you from all sides reminding all’s not well. You look yourself and your eyes tell the dreams you have lost…

A feeling which almost ruffles me that why do I miss him so much. My thoughts, my existence, my reason of being happy which are tied to his thoughts. But may be for him things have changed. I have changed for what I meant to him. It hurts me deep inside and all the more when his ignorance becomes so obvious. I want to go somewhere far where I can move on, from his thoughts, his life so that he can have some peace from me. May be that’s what he wants. I want to free him of the burden of loving me back. I want this to do for him.

But my zaniness doesn’t allows me to prevail in this thought for long. I try to be happy with his thoughts and turn a blind eye to whatever I had am going through. I try to slip out of my world of memories and start the day again with a new hope that things would be better and he would call me. That means the world for me, whick I don’t think I have now. There might be something wrong at his end. Thoughts like this try to comfort the mind.

A week later, a month later I know would be at the same cross roads. I would miss him again, want to hear his voice again would cry would wage a battle with myself within myself, and again try to be out of all these things.. Answers to questions I struggle to find….again try to be free of all this, of myself…. till the time I lose myself completely.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Merry Christmas

It was a cold December, and a Christmas evening. Though Christmas not being an important festival for her that year it held a special meaning for her. A very special meaning. The past 2 months of her life had been a different and a wonderful time. The feeling of being in love and the way your world changes was there. A gentle smile always wore the lips and happiness surrounded the mind.
A new person had become a part of her world…Though they were not a very outgoing couple, still they seemed to enjoy every little time they could have together and their world seemed to be content, not of their company and the talks they share, but whatever they have for each other.

He had told her “I Love You” and she knew he meant it. It was not planned and was very unexpected. She took life as it came and she was happy in being in love with him. But she has yet to tell him I love you. She hasn’t from the time he has told her. She thought of letting her speak out that Christmas evening wanting to make it special for him.

She was waiting for his call. He called her that evening.

Trin Trin, the phone goes ring……… ( cant write in words how a mobile fone tune would ring)
He: Merry Christmas Sweetheart
She: Merry Christmas ( in a delightful yet polite voice)

She: So how was your day.
He: It was good. Nothing much.

He: So what you doing
She: Watching Tv, waiting for your call (her mom calls for dinner..coming mom )

He: Ok so we meeting tomorrow.
She: Yes 11.30 am, metro station

He: Ok chalo bye then.
She:bye (didn’t wantd to keep the phone)

She- Acha sunoooo….
He: Haan bolo

She: come there at 11.30 am, metro
He: Ok. Aur kuch

She: Yes
He: haan bolo

She: After a pause… I love you ( in the most beautiful way and with all her heart as he is the only one she is going to love)
He: Me Too..

She- Ok bye ( a little disappointed that he didn’t say her I love you)
He: Bye see you tomorrow ( she could feel his smile and happiness)
She smiled gently after keeping the phone. A smile which dint fade till it reached her eyes and her eyes were full of smiles too.
Ps: Later comes to know he was talking from a public fone so couldn’t tell her I love you in return.
Never mind.. Lots of moments came when he did say that and made her felt the most special person…

Love makes you smile, love makes you cry, it makes you happy, it gives you pain.
Love is all I had and its all I have… and I have empty hands

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Love Lost....

I read this poem or song some 2 and a half years ago. I was deeply touched when I read it. It still reminds me of certain things I have been through that time... Just wanted to relive those moments...

Do you remember when we met?
Do you remember when at first it was just all a bet?
Remember when you told me that your love for me
went to the moon all uphill?
But the question is,
do you still?
Remember when you called me
to confess that you were deep in love with me?
I remember my phone going ring, ring, ring.
It almost seemed as if to sing.
I've always heard that real love always lasts,
but I think you're leaving it in the past...

Did you?
Did you forget all about it?
Did you forget how
you were the one to give me my first kiss?
Well now I'm starting to know
that love also fades.
Where there was fire
there is ashes.
But all along I still remember
all that you and I went through.
I think that would make a sweet memory,
Do you?
Would you ever hold the night
With just a single hand?
Would you ever let me go,
And make me understand?
Would you ever kiss me softly,
As if that kiss meant good-bye?
Would you hold me, oh so closely,
If I was to start to cry?

Would the tears I cried for you
Make you feel my pain?
Or would you not care for me one bit,
And my hurt would be in vain?
Would a simple question,
Remain unanswered?
Or if you were asked who you love,
Would I be your answer?

Would you keep your word
Of being always together?
Or would this lonely life
of mineLast forever?
If I told you I felt sad
Would you come be by my side?
If I was to get you mad,
Would it hurt you deep inside?

Don't ever tell me you don't care
Because I just know that isn't true.
If your heart decided to love someone,
...Would I be the one for you?

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Time Office aur Rajma…

Wierd title isnt it.. This post is also just a bit weird and random. Just wrote what I could think of.

Wondering where to start with.. As usual I was late again for office today. I think time really runs for me in the morning somehow. Either they have something against me or I am bad at time management.. Had planned to get sandwiches today and had made the preparations last night itself..But still as it was I was not able to get ready and leave home to reach office on time. But it also goes to the fact I was making lunch for my team members as well, as for myself. You see they really love what I get (not that I am boasting of myself to be a culinary expert). After having a bite the 2nd patent question which pops up is how did you make it. I go to all the details and tell them how did I do it without knowing the outcome how will it come out when they make it.
Though I have seen a sample of how Shruthi attempted to make rajma the way I told her. Incredible, it was a perfect south indianised rajma though I had told her in a north indian way. She had put her own efforts and it turned out to be good Needless to say that rajma is a north indian curry. I have to admit that how it just makes a difference just being a northie and southie when you cook. If you just do a google search on how to cook Rajma it will pop up 28800 results Wow!!! . See even the food discriminates itself when prepared and we are here on top of our voices shouting against indiscrimation…
So coming back to recipes, I have thought of a strategy. Whatever I decide to make I will type down the recipe the previous day and keep a soft copy saved. As soon as someone wants the recipe I would forward them the soft copy. And you never know in the coming years I may publish a cook book also, thanks to all the saved recipes. Anyways it’s a long way to go and and secondly I don’t like cooking so much as to take all the painful efforts to publish a book. There are enough in the market to help out with. Coming back to to office and time. I didn’t get my scooty again today and I am feeling bad for it. We are such strange people. We start feeling bad for little things in life. Wonder when will the good times come. Maybe when I reach office someday sharp at 9 on my scooty without having to cook and worry about the rest of the world. After all they say you should search for happiness in the little and simple things of life….Like a bowl of rajma curry and hot rice....Happy day.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Streak My Scooty Streak!!!

Ok so I have bought something which is the most expensive thing I have bought till date on own. I have bought a Scooty Streak.I wont say I am very excited as I was supposed to get it long back but still I am happy that now I also have a vehicle which I can take and go where ever and whenever I can. Depends on the practice thoughJ While I was getting it from the showroom to office to park it I fell down in the parking area. Lost my balance and a bit of confidence also. But then again took it back home.. So waiting to discover the roads, the places I have been waiting and wanting to go…Wish me a safe riding..