This is my first attempt to write a poetry. Good or bad I dont know. I just wanted to post it as I have written it.
Sapno mein khud ko jeete hue dekha hain.
Phir unhi sapno me khud ko tut the hue paaya hain
Ek kalki umeed
Ek saath ka ehsaas
Man me geet
Wo saath jo tha bahut khaas.
In sapno ko sanjote hue dekha hain
Phir inhi me khud ko bikharte hue paaya hain
Kuch palo me hui thi jab zindagi roshan
Un palon ko andhere me khote hue dekha hain
Hawan ki jhokon mein un saari yaadon ko
Un baton ko khud se jhujhte hue paaya hain
Kuch yaadein kuch baatein,
kuch sapnen, lekar aaj chalein hain
Jo manzil mil gayi to chal padenge
Jo naa mili to kya haathon mein inhe liye
Yahin baithe rahenge…….!!!!!!!!
Maine bhikre pare tukron mein bhi kal ka aks dekha hai
Khud ko gir ke phir sambhalte huye payaa hai
Mana ki tukre aaj bhi chubhte hain
Magar us dard mein bhi khud ko muskurate huye paya hai….
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8 comments:
i would suggest you look at para 4 again :)
Rest all seems going with the flow..lovely start
Kuch palo me hui thi jab zindagi roshan
Un palon ko andhere me khote hue dekha ha in
Hawan ki jhokon mein un saari yaadon ko
Un baton ko khud se jhujhte hue paaya hain
THAT PARAGRAPH IS GOOD....rest seems to be.........flow ni ban pa raha.....read more n more poems for more n more betterment........
i m not discouraging u btw as its ur first attempt..starting me aise hi hota h...but after sm time u'l feel the change
PARAM
mypoeticaccent.blogspot.com
@ani_Aset
Thanks for the feedback... Will definately try to improve.and thanks for visiting too:-)
@paramveer
Hmm I know the flow is not there as it shouldbe in a poetry.Thanks for the valubale inputs. I woulddefinately need all of your inputs to improve. Since this was the 1st time I wrote I just wanted to post. Thanks and please give such inputs wherever needed.
this was really good !! i loved it :) will be abck to read more
ps: thanks for visiting me :)
i m nt a connoisseur of poetry..... but i find it pretty decent.
i enjoyed it during the first read.
:) Good one !!
Because its the first one, all i want to say is that - do not try to rhyme where it doesnt .. its not required. Even otherwise, when you writing it with creativity, it would have its beauty !!
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