You forgive me for liking you too much,

And I'll forgive you for not liking me enough.

You forgive me for missing you so,

And I'll forgive you for being so cold.

You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,

And I'll forgive you for not hearing it.

You forgive me for playing your games,

And I'll forgive you for toying with my emotions.

You forgive me for finding you so attractive,

And I'll forgive you for not noticing.

You forgive me for raising you up so high,

And I'll forgive you for bringing me down so low.

You forgive me for wanting to be with you,

And I'll forgive you for avoiding me.

You forgive me for being so pathetic,

And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it.

You forgive me for not being able to let go,

And I'll forgive you for never having latched on.

You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,

And I'll forgive you for crushing them.

Forgiveness brings inner peace.

Do we have a deal?

P.S- I have not written this. It was in my mailbox so thought of posting it.Just added a few lines to the original. Reading it brought me back some memories some phases of my life:-)

To all my blogger Friends. Thanks a lot for all your wonderful comments and concerns.

It did make me feel special.I am fine.Just wanted to post it so doing it.

The September of Pleasures and of Discontentment!!!!

In life, we all have moments. Moments we cherish we enjoy, we are sad, we feel pain and still, we continue with life. Living with all that it has given us. Sometimes the happiness continues to be with us and sometimes the pain becomes an eternal part of it.

Some moments some months some time remind us of things that we have left back in the time..
September was one of those months for her. Today sitting in her own company and solitude she remembered. Remembered the time, the company, the moments, the joy and warmth, this month had got her. The same month, 8 years back was bliss was a moment of joy which she mistakenly thought would last for a lifetime.

8 years back. It was September. Still a bit humid and windy and rainy in that city of joy. The rains had just arrived freshly. He came to her life. The exams were over. They all were just enjoying the college after exams and before the next session would start. There were 6- 7 months more left for college to end.
Love happens when you least expect to find it around. All those 2 years in college they saw each other and had just discarded of each other’s presence and moved on. Then why they had to meet when just a few months was left and they could have chosen to be in different directions. But life certainly had other plans. Destiny had planned that they meet, they fall in love, celebrate their good times together.
That September they started knowing each other. They shared the 1st walk together to the bus stop. A walk both of them wanted to take but were hesitant of telling each other. They enjoyed the walk. It was like a breath of fresh air, a cool breeze which you get after the rains.

It was their first seeing each other in the eyes and stealing that moment of togetherness which was in silence between them.
It was their first talking that they did and they enjoyed each other’s company. It was the first time that he asked her out and she softly denied coz she was too scared to go out with him so soon. It was the 1st time she sat with him in the class on the same bench, economics being only the common thing between them.
It was the first dream she started seeing in him. Her first wish that this moment would just stand still and she can be with him for eternity. It was the first time she felt that loving him was the beginning of everything.

Every morning while entering the college gate her eyes would look for him. Like any new relationship they had lot of things to know share discover about each other. He told her what sausages are and how are they made and she told him she has never eaten them. She use to catch a bus back home but together they started taking the ferry back home as it meant more of time together. They talked less, tried to understand the silence between them. They enjoyed the little auto ride together to the ferry station. They fought less smiled more. They missed each other less and thought of each other more. Their love had just started in their hearts and they added beautiful years of togetherness, happiness and love to their relationship. Yes September was the start of all these things which was life in true sense. It was the start of life of dreams and of everything.

Seven years later life had changed a lot. It was September once again but it was nothing like before.
September was the start of a relationship which would last for a lifetime. Well that’s what she had thought. And this Septmeber was also the end of it.
They again had silence between them. But she was not enjoying this silence, she was fighting it. It was breaking her within. It was causing her pain, and discomfort. She wanted to know where did she fall short that he left her so ruthlessly. She told him begged him pleaded to him not to leave her once again. She told she cant cry anymore coz her eyes are hurting now. He knew what this relationship, what he meant to her. It was her breath, her life.
Her dreams had crumbled and more than that her trust. Her faith in her man who had let her down in so many ways. The one man she had thought would stand by her when the whole world would walk out on her. The one man who was the reason for her love and today who was the reason that she was hating herself.
The relationship which was priceless to her has ended. He chose to let her go and all those years didn’t mattered. That love didn’t mattered, the commitment didn’t mattered the faith didn’t mattered, she didn’t mattered. All that mattered was his decision on her. His decision of not letting her to be a part of his life, of not being with her forever.
If she feels content about something its that she gave this relationship all she could. Commitment, faith, trust, love and all she could do to make it work, to preserve it, to hold it and not let it go. Not a moment she had thought about herself without him and this relationship. The person, the relationship had occupied most of her existence. She was too emotional with the bonding with him. She trusted him too much with all her faith. She gave all her commitments to this relation to make it work. She gave her all her efforts to make it happen and not let go. She gave all her love she had within herself. She gave all of prayers to god for this one thing from Him.
Today she has nothing. She is empty from within. She is void of everything and that’s why she has still not got over of all this, not yet moved on even though the person has, and is happy and in love again with someone else now. What does it takes to stop loving someone and start loving someone else again. To be so indifferent, to be so insensitive to a person whom once you had loved so much, atleast that's what he told her all these years.That nothing else matters, not even how much the other person still loves you.
The gap is huge and the emptiness is deep and she knows she has to fill it up alone now.
It’s the saddest thing in the world to love someone who used to love you. When you are in love and you get hurt, it’s like a cut... it will heal, but there will always be a scar.
Its true that we should not let someone become our everything because when they are gone you have nothing.

What can I say, what can I do,
With all the memories that I have of you.
You with whom my world was made,
You whose memory would never fade.
Not having you around,
Makes my whole world go down.
You who promised to hold,
My every smile and all my tears.
You who now just left me,
To be nowhere.
The wounds might go away,
But the scars in the soul will forever stay.
Today I sit back and wonder,
Was it love or just passion,
That lasted just for a few seasons.
Memories stay,
They stay forever,
Be it for this,
Or for all the coming September.
And I will remember forever and ever,
What you did to me,
The last September.
I can't be happy,
And I can just lament,
For this is the September,
The September of my discontentment!!!

The Lost Dreams!!! Part -1

His arms were the only place she felt secured, she felt loved and she felt blessed. At times she would wonder if all this is real, she has so much of love in her life. She didn’t wished and prayed anything more than they being together always, the way they are today. She was glad he was there with her. His presence made her realized how beautiful her world is!!!

She was just another girl in her college. Carefree, joyful, cheerful, lost among her friends enjoying her college days like any other student. Her 1st year exams were over and she hadn’t given much of a thought as what she plans to do after graduation. She had her own group of friends. Going to college everyday, attending classes, spending hours chatting gossiping, eating chats, going for small shoppings with friends, all this was just a part of her life. After months of studying and exams being over she was just making the most of whatever few months were left, for the college to get over.
She didn’t had a boyfriend and she didn’t feel that there is anything missing in her life. She was happy in her life and her people around.

One fine day at her usual place on the stairs she was talking to her friend, unaware of the fact that after this what’s going to happen would change her life and her completely in the years to come.
She saw him coming inside the college premises from the gate and coming towards her. She had seen him few times before in these 2 years in college but never paid that much attention as he was not from her class.
She doesn’t knows what made her ask her friend as soon she saw him coming towards them. Iska naam kya hain. Her friend promptly replied and told his name. By that time he was close enough to the tap which was just beside the stairs they were seated, and he asked her, naam puch rahe ho. Well with no other option she had to say yes with a smile. After drinking the water he asked her what are you.. She didn’t understand what he meant and asked him what do you mean what am I. He said no I meant where are you from. After this he started talking to her friend who was his friend also and in his class as well.

Well the walk that day inside the college gate was not just an ordinary walk. It was a walk he made in her life and be a part of her and the story they made together in their lives.

P.S- to be continued.